Howdy Friends (:
– So I feel like we don’t talk enough about how much our past shows up at work. Like, it’s one thing to say “leave your personal life at the door,” but when you grew up in chaos, neglect, or fear, your nervous system doesn’t just magically reset once you clock in.
Personally, I learned that speaking up often led to punishment, rejection, or even being made to feel small while I as growing up. Fast forward to adulthood, and suddenly every boss or manager felt like a parent waiting to scold me.
I was terrified of authority, terrified of saying the wrong thing, and yes—I’ve even been fired for standing up for myself.
It made me feel like my voice was dangerous, like I didn’t belong in professional spaces at all.
But over time, I started realizing something: it wasn’t just me.
A lot of people who went through childhood trauma find themselves reliving it in the workplace, and honestly? We need to talk about it more.
Here’s How Trauma Shows Up at Work (And Why You’re Not Crazy)
Your Boss Feels Like a Parent All Over Again Your manager raises their voice during a meeting, and suddenly you’re 10 years old again, bracing for punishment. Even simple feedback can feel like rejection or criticism. You’re not overreacting. Your body is just wired to expect danger from authority because that’s what kept you safe before.
Speaking Up Feels Impossible When you’ve been silenced or punished for speaking your truth as a kid, it makes perfect sense that your voice feels unsafe as an adult. Asking a question in a meeting? Advocating for why YOU deserve that raise? Even sending an email with a little bit of pushback? It can feel absolutely terrifying because your nervous system remembers what happened last time you spoke up.
You Become the Ultimate People-Pleaser Some of us learned that love and safety came from being “the good one.” So at work, we become the reliable employee, the one who never says no, the one who takes on everything. But deep down, it’s not always about ambition—it’s about survival. It’s about proving we’re worthy of staying.
Every Mistake Feels Catastrophic If you grew up with instability, every single mistake at work can feel like the end of the world. A missed deadline isn’t just a missed deadline—it feels like you’re about to lose your job, your security, your worth. Because when you’re used to everything falling apart, your brain prepares for the worst-case scenario every f*cking time.
Conflict Makes You Shut Down Completely When workplace drama or confrontation happens, instead of handling it calmly, your body might just… shut down. You avoid conflict at all costs, or maybe even dissociate in meetings. This is your nervous system doing what it learned to do: keep you safe by not being there at all.
So What the F*ck Do We Do About It?
Let’s be real, I’m still figuring this out myself, but here’s what I’ve been learning:
Start Noticing When You Get Triggered Pay attention to when you feel small, panicked, or frozen. Is it during feedback sessions? In staff meetings? When your boss calls you into their office? Awareness is literally the first step, and it’s impact is huge.
Give Yourself Permission to Pause This one’s been game-changing for me. Even something simple like taking a breath, stepping outside for a minute, or saying “let me think about that and get back to you” can give your body a moment to reset. You don’t have to react in real-time to everything (still learning this one).
Find Your People You don’t have to carry this alone. Find at least one coworker, mentor, or therapist who gets it and who you can process these moments with. Having someone in your corner changes everything.
Practice Using Your Voice in Baby Steps Start small: ask a clarifying question, voice a tiny idea, or set a small boundary like “I’ll get that to you tomorrow instead of today.” These little wins add up and help rewire your brain to believe your voice is actually safe.
Know When It’s the Environment, Not You Real talk: not every workplace is healthy. If a job constantly triggers old wounds and refuses to support you or meet you halfway, it might not be you that needs fixing—it might just be the job that needs to be left.
You’re Stronger Than You Think
If you’ve been carrying childhood trauma into your workplace, you’re not weak, lazy, or “bad at professional life.” You’re someone who survived a lot, and your nervous system is still trying to protect you the only way it knows how.
For me, honestly? Part of the reason I chose to build my own business was because I got tired of feeling like my survival depended on whether or not a boss liked me. That doesn’t have to be your answer, but what matters most is remembering:
You deserve safety.
You deserve respect.
And you deserve to take up space—even at work.
Your voice isn’t dangerous. Your needs aren’t too much. And the right workplace will make room for all of you, trauma history and all.
So speak up, even if your voice shakes. Even if it feels uncomfortable. Your professional life deserves to be built on who you actually are, not who you think you need to be to survive.
You’ve got this, and you’re not alone in figuring it out <3