Howdy Friends (:
– So I want today I want to talk about something I know too many of us do without even realizing it: shrinking ourselves.
And not just in relationships (though definitely there too). I’m talking about at work, with family, in friendships, hell—even just existing in a room full of people.
I used to walk into spaces and immediately make myself small. I’d tone down my entire personality, quiet my opinions, and swallow my needs. All just to keep the damn peace.
Because somewhere along the way, I was taught that taking up space made me “too much.”
That being loud, emotional, opinionated, or even just visible… would cost me love, safety, or belonging.
But what I learned personally? Shrinking yourself doesn’t make you more lovable. It just makes you lose yourself.
So Why Do We Shrink Ourselves?
For a lot of us, it starts young. Maybe your family made you feel like your feelings were a burden. Maybe past relationships convinced you that your needs were “too much.” Or maybe you grew up thinking that staying quiet was the only way to keep people around.
So we shrink.
We silence ourselves.
We change who we are to make others comfortable.
But at what cost? Oh just losing pieces of ourselves in the process. No big deal.
Actually, it is a HUGE deal.
What Happens When You Keep Shrinking
When you spend your life making yourself smaller, it doesn’t actually “protect” you. It just sets you up for failure. It can do this by:
- Creating distance. People can’t love you fully if you’re not showing them your full self.
- Feeding resentment. Silencing yourself doesn’t make the feelings disappear—it just pushes them deeper.
- Erodes self-worth. Every time you swallow your voice, you’re teaching yourself that your truth doesn’t matter.
And eventually, you wake up wondering why you feel unseen, unfulfilled, and disconnected—even in rooms full of people.
How to Stop Shrinking Yourself
The shift happens when you start realizing: the spaces, people, and love that are truly meant for you will make room for you.
So here’s how I’ve been practicing and what I’d recommend for you:
- Start small. Speak up about the little things—your food order, your music choice, your opinion in a conversation. Teach yourself that your voice matters.
- Notice when you shrink. Catch yourself dimming your personality or biting your tongue. Ask: “Am I doing this for me, or is this to make someone else comfortable?”
- Remind yourself: you belong. Your needs, your opinions, and your personality aren’t “too much.” They’re unique because they’re yours. And they deserve space.
- Choose safe people. Practice being your full self with friends who celebrate you, not shrink you further.
- Stop apologizing for f*cking existing. You don’t have to earn your spot in the room. You already deserve to be there.
You Better Start Taking Up Space
At the end of the day, shrinking yourself won’t save you from rejection, judgment, or loss. But it will guarantee one thing: you’ll never get to live as your full, authentic self.
And babe, you deserve more than that.
The right people? They won’t just “handle” you taking up space—they’ll celebrate it.
The right opportunities? They’ll expand when you walk in as your whole self.
So stop making yourself small for rooms that were never big enough to hold you.
Take up your space. Speak your truth. Be seen.
Start living your life for you and unapologetically babe.
Because the world doesn’t need the off-brand version of you.
It needs all of you.